No Greater Love
by Psamathe
Summary: Spoilers for End of Nights Part 2
1. Chapter 1

"Ashley, I'm frightened."

The words are as painful as a sword rammed through my gut. I hate that she's scared of me. Everywhere I look I see half remembered things. Elusive memories … half shadows… moments.

Some might say that this was a depressing place to grow up but I counted myself lucky. I had my very own fairy castle. The Little Mermaid lived in the basement and Beauty had her very own beast.

There was even a real bogeyman under my bed… I called him Harold.

I remember falling over, skinning my knees and the kisses that made it all better. Stories at bedtime, games of hide and seek... birthday parties. The pictures run through my head as if I'm reliving my life in his one instant.

Everything has been leading to this. This moment… this place… this decision. I look into the future and all I see is black. I want to scream at the Universe. It's too soon. There hasn't been enough of my life. It's not fair!

Will it hurt? The child inside me asks. But I'm not a child anymore. I have to be the grown up here, the one who makes everything better.

And suddenly I'm empty, exhausted and I realise that I have no place left to run. The end is inevitable. I want to say goodbye, to Will, to Henry… even to my father… but there's only the woman cowering in front of me. I see the monster I've become reflected in her eyes.

Death… it's not going to be so hard after all.

"Mom," I whisper.

And then I'm gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Some might have called this place a cathedral. The soaring columns and ornate pews certainly gave that impression but it hadn't been built for the worship of any particular god. There were none of the usual trappings of organised religion.

Many of the abnormals under Helen's protection had beliefs that were widely different from her own. And this was a sanctuary within the Sanctuary… a place for peace and reflections.

At least that was what she had hoped.

Somehow, over the years, the vast space had fallen into disrepair and the once beautiful building was crumbling around her.

The last time she had been here had been for Ashley's memorial service. The Sun had been shining that day, light streaming through the places where they windows had once been.

Now, looking about her, all Helen could see was damp, water stained walls and shabby carpet. It had been raining since the early hours of the morning and a narrow stream of water was running through the place where the empty casket had once stood.

Helen shivered, pulling her wrap a little more tightly about her shoulders. Outside the weather was worsening and a low rumble of thunder echoed from the distance.

They had buried the casket out in the grounds, a quiet sheltered spot … and it was there that Helen usually chose to keep her tryst with her daughter's memory. Despite the inclement weather, she almost regretted not being outside today. She hated the thought of the rain beating down on that particular patch of Earth… even though Ashley's body resided she knew not where.

She was no stranger to grief. But this was different. Helen had never experienced a pain so intense, so unrelenting. As the days stretched out to weeks and months, she found herself wondering if it would ever fade. There still seemed to be so many tears left to shed.

In front of her colleagues, Helen did her best to maintain her calm façade but she knew they worried about her. Will especially. A relative newcomer, he was less wrapped up in his own grief, making him a more observant witness to her own.

He didn't voice his concerns and Helen knew that he wouldn't, not unless her performance became compromised in any way.

What Will didn't know was how close she had come. For perhaps the first time, Helen had found herself cursing her longevity. In truth, she did not know how long she would live and had gone searching for a 'cure'. She had just wanted to know that, one-day, there would be a release from this terrible ache in her soul.

Oblivious to the chill wind that was now cutting through the broken windows, Helen sat herself in one of the pews, clasping her hands tightly as she rested her head against them. She just needed a moment that was all. A few seconds to compose herself before the mask cracked completely. Time alone, to cry a few of the tears that she had been holding inside.

But her wish was not to be granted. In the depths of the shadows something moved.

"Doc?"

He walked towards her, concern etched on his features. Automatically, Helen straightened. She had wanted nothing more than to be alone with her memories, but that luxury had been taken from her. It wasn't Henry's fault, but for a brief moment she was angry with him for being there.

"Henry," she nodded, her composure returned.

Henry nodded, betraying his unease as he shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. Helen was reminded of the boy he had once been, unable to show his 'mom' that he was hurting.

"Didn't know that you came here too," he said when the silence became too much for him.

"Normally I don't but…" Helen gestured towards the tempest that was raging outside.

Neither of them really wanted to talk about why they were here. Helen didn't wish to consider a day when she might be able to discuss Ashley with ease… when her daughter's name would be nothing more than a sad, sweet memory.

"I miss her," he said.

"I know," Helen replied.

Somehow the simple words were all that was needed to explain the depths of their grief.

An image flashed into her mind, so sharp and clear that it took her breath away.

Ashley and Henry as children, running through this space, their laughter turning to screams as their playmate appeared before them, growling with make believe ferocity.

"In my heart…" she began and then stopped, unable to express her deepest wish.

"What?" Henry asked, his eyes shining with hope.

Helen took his hand, "I truly believe that her energy, what made her Ashley is still with us."

Disappointment twisted his features. Even now he seemed to expect her to come up with some plan, some idea to prove that Ashley was still here somewhere. And even now Helen was haunted by the thought that maybe she had given up too soon … or that one day she would find her daughter's body entombed in the walls.

Helen gestured to the seat beside her, and Henry sat down.

"I had a dream about her," he said. "We were someplace hot and sunny… blue sky and mountains… it was beautiful there."

"Was she happy? " Helen asked, trying to quell a sudden flash of jealousy. Her own dreams of Ashley weren't nearly so tranquil. They held nothing but the horror of those final moments.

"Yeah… yeah I think she was."

'Then hold onto that dream. It's a good one."

He nodded before climbing to his feet, "I'd better get back… things to do…"

Helen felt herself relax as she heard him walk away, and the tears she had desperately wanted to shed were allowed to flow unchecked… her desperate, heart-wrenching sobs echoing through the empty space. The release should have been cathartic but her grief quickly turned to actual physical pain.

But she couldn't cry forever. Eventually there was nothing to do apart from dry her eyes, blow her nose and hope that no one noticed that she had been crying.

The world wouldn't wait for Helen Magnus to deal with her anguish.

Standing, she straightened her skirt she forced her face to smile. Helen would never realise that her eyes betrayed her. They showed the part of her soul that had died with Ashley … the part of her that would never live again.


End file.
